Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
