MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
