It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize