Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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