I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
