We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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