You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
