3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
