I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
