i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
