Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
