Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
