if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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