You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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