i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
