Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
