I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
