How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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