I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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