trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
