apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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