We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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