cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
