Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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