Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
time to smoke my breakfast
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
