you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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