I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
