Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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