Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A+ Viking dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
