Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
