My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
