Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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