cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
