i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We are two peas in an std pod
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
