so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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