No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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