I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize