I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
