i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
