Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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