It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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