Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
