hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
