Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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