im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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