im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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