I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
