its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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