Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
