the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
