I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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