you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
