he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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