I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
