Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
