I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so let's talk penis.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Randomize
