How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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