thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
