Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You took a bar mat shot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
