walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
