if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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