they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
