when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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