is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
