if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
