You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
