Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
