I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
