dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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