He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
